Coming out of the dark

Today I went to see my cousin who is pregnant and I actually bought her clothes for the baby. she is due in august. I wasn't sad I am actually happy for her. I am glad that I can do these things without crying or being obsessively jealous. I hope it stays this way for awhile. I don't like who I am when I am that way. I was a little sad though but it wasn't too bad which was OK. Its OK to be a little sad. I had a conversation with hubby. I told him I don't think i want to bring a baby into this fucked up world. Like seriously, why would I do that? I don't want them to suffer because of the economy and the lack of teachers to educate my child the right way. I don't want my kids to have a poor education. If I have children I want to live somewhere were I know they will be safe and the education is decent.