Grumpy Lady's Rant!! NO CARBS!

I am very grumpy because I am hungry for carbs!!!! lol being on metformin I cant eat many carbs like bread!!! I just want toast with tea and I cant eat it. I am a sad sad lady. I need to go grocery shopping today for low carb friendly food. is there such a thing as low carb bread? I am soo carving bread sorry for the rant.

Is This For Real?

is this for real? I really hope not. couldn't the wife feel the penis inside of her? I really hope this is not real

Back On The Metfornin

I am back on a drug called metformin. I love it and hate it at the same time. I love that it helps me to ovulate, helps me to regulate my eating, and helps me to lose weight. I hate it because it makes me so nauseate, and go to the restroom a lot. ok I think I love it more than I hate it. lol Well hopefully, after I am off these stupid birthcontrol pills I will get pregnant again. I am praying every night and I do get kinda sick and tired of everyone saying it will happen "just relax" or "when God wants you to have children he will allow it". I know all of this already its just a little annoying hearing it over and over again.

Why is this so hard to do?

I was thinking why is it so hard? why is it hard to conceive? its frustrating especially with me because I have so many damn issues going on. I just want to cry, I make so many excuses on why I shouldn't want a baby. See I have this problem, I give up to easily it sucks. I need to stop it like now. I need a new plan. I need Jesus.

Browsing the net

I was browsing the net and I want most of these shirts made seriously

http://www.zazzle.com/infertility+tshirts

I love the pcos shirts the best.

Coming out of the dark

Today I went to see my cousin who is pregnant and I actually bought her clothes for the baby. she is due in august. I wasn't sad I am actually happy for her. I am glad that I can do these things without crying or being obsessively jealous. I hope it stays this way for awhile. I don't like who I am when I am that way. I was a little sad though but it wasn't too bad which was OK. Its OK to be a little sad. I had a conversation with hubby. I told him I don't think i want to bring a baby into this fucked up world. Like seriously, why would I do that? I don't want them to suffer because of the economy and the lack of teachers to educate my child the right way. I don't want my kids to have a poor education. If I have children I want to live somewhere were I know they will be safe and the education is decent.

Should I or Shouldn't I?

I was driving home from work this morning and I was listening to the radio. There was a medium answering questions. Do you think I should call? and find out if I am ever going to have children? Will I ever get pregnant again? I would have to do it behind my husband back because he doesn't think I should go that route and I should just wait and see what happens and that I have to trust in God what God's plans are for me. But I am so flippin impatient. I want to know now!!

The Plan

Our plan to conceive was to go on fertility treatment such as taking clomid and then IUIs and all that good stuff. Well, our first round of clomid ended up giving me a cyst. So we have to change up our game plan. We are on a ttc break because of it. I have to take birth control pills for three months. we are checking the cyst in June to see if it is shrinking if not then its outpatient surgery for me. which I had done the same damn thing two years ago. so my question is will I be doing this every two years?

Infertility

Infertility: The diminished ability or the inability to conceive and have offspring. Infertility is also defined in specific terms as the failure to conceive after a year of regular intercourse without contraception.

I never really knew the medical definition of infertility. I try not to put myself in that category even though I am. I guess if i don't see it I don't acknowledge it. I never really research infertility only the stuff that helps you get pregnant. here is a video that I can relate to. I love this song

The Beginning of A Ghastly Mess

Well, where do I begin? do I start when I was born? should I start with my poor childhood? or my horrible high school years? So I guess I will start with the present no sense in bringing up my painful past. I am married to a wonderful man and, this beautiful man dragged my ass all the way to San Diego away from my family and friends. I don't care I love him and would follow him anywhere. Now I got that out of the way the reason I started to blog today is so I can blog about my infertility. We decided to try but not really try to get pregnant in 08. We got pregnant in march 08 and miscarried on April 14th it was the most painful and saddest day of my life. I thought for sure I would carry full term, silly me. I have pcos and that was the problem always has been. We have not gotten pregnant since.